Queen of KAOS

Running Out of Time

Some of us spend our lives running, out of breathe, with literally no chance to think, or to even stop and take a deep breathe. Running out of time.
 


We practice time management to a fine art... study it... sure that the next great thing is just what we've been missing to get our lives in order, the missing piece to that illusive puzzle that looks like control.

At some point, it may take years, in fact, it probably will, we realize that it doesn't matter how fast we go, we are never going to get there.  There is just too much.

Too much going on. Too much for one person to ever accomplish. We laugh that we are superwoman - even get a secret feeling of importance because we have "so much to do", so much that just cannot be done by anyone else but us.

We know that "something" has to go. But what? There is nothing that we can give up. We cannot say no to this and no to that. It goes further than doing things for others that we don't want to do.

There are things - too many things - that we want to do for ourselves.

And we are stubborn. We stubbornly cling to our choices. Our responsibilities. Our pleasures. Our hopes. Our dreams.

And then one day we just can't do it anymore.

We realize that  in all the rushing, all the cramming, the infernal movement to do more and more - to get this done and to get that done - that we are enjoying none of it.

We have a good life. One that some would be envious of. On the ouside. But on the inside, we are rushing, always

rushing. We can feel the strain as our bodies try to go faster than our thoughts. Or our thoughts than our bodies. But who can tell anymore.

Important things are sliding. In our haste we take little notice of the treasures that have been handed to us.

Why?

For one reason.

We have been unable to give up hope. We have been unable to admit to ourselves that we can't do it all. That we can't

have it all. That we can find pleasure in little things. In the moments. That have sped by us.

How do we get off of this train, moving quickly towards a wasted life. All the more ironic because we thought it was authentic. Real.

We examine our priorities. Decide once and for all what is truly precious to us. And we experience them fully. We shed the rest like a snake outgrowing the skin that would hold her back.

We will have to make choices.
We will have to mourn.

But tomorrow will be better.
Already.

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